sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
