When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
