I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
