O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
