Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
