And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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