Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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