I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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