Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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