Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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