So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
