I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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