One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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