My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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