4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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