Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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