What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
