Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
