He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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