guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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