I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
