Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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