Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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