I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
