Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
