She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where is the hickey?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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