i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
