Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
