She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dick has a subreddit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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