There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
