I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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