Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
