He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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