Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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