So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
