i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
These tits shall not be calmed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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