Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
one two three fourrrrnication!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
