well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
