listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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