I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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