My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
