Cold hands, warm shart.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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