i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
