I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
