You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cat gives me a boner
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
