i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
