He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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