its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can text with my tongue
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
