Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
