She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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