okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
