so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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