if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
