I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
