I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
