Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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