you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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