If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
