Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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