Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
