Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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