Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
