My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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