hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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