she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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