college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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