I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
