there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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