Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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