I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
