just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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