if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
