I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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