do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
