What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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