No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
