I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
