Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
