the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
