i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
