FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
