I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there is puke in my bra ... again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize