Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
