Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
