I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
