my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
