i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
