I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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