he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
