I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
