We're facebook friends in real life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
