trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
