I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
