i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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