i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize