it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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