It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
