I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
