I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
