My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
