I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
