Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
