I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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