At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
