goodnight i made you a song goodbye
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
