i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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