census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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