I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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