Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
as a side note pls kill me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
