you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
