why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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