If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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