If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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